Keeping Secrets

I have discovered recently that it can be hard to keep a secret, even one that you never intended to be a secret in the first place.

In March I got pregnant, it should of been a joyous thing, it should of been a happy time, but it wasn't. My husband was cranky and I was feeling scared more than excited (although yes I was a little excited). We were using contraception and not planning anymore children.

With all the kids we didn't share our pregnancy news with everyone until we were 3 months along, and we treated this just the same. Although I told my big sister and a good friend....and during the stress of what followed I turned online for support.

I felt sick for about 2 weeks, and then it stopped and I had some spotting. I knew in my heart that things weren't right but didn't really want to believe it. I went in for an ultrasound and the dates didn't match up, there was only a sac, no baby. I was booked in for a scan a week later, I had more spotting, I felt like my heart was breaking.

That was one of the longest weeks of my life.

The follow up scan confirmed that the pregnancy was not progressing, I had what is called a blighted ovum. The next night, my miscarriage started, like my heart now accepted what my body already knew. I was 8.5 weeks pregnant.

The miscarriage was horrendous, so much blood, clots so big I found it hard to cope but I stayed home and tried to trust my body. This continued on for 2 days after which it slowed down. I went to my Doctor and was told that the bleeding should stop after a few days. Little did I know that this process was only just beginning.

On my 30th birthday, a week after the miscarriage started, I was back at the Doctor, I had a clot stuck in my cervix and needed a D&C. You would think that this would be easy to get, but no, I was a patient in the public health system and unless I presented myself to emergency I would have to wait. So I waited.

4 weeks after my miscarriage started I had my D&C. My big sister drove me to the hospital while my husband stayed at home with the kids. I was scared and emotional but by that point I just wanted it all over, it had been 5 weeks since I had known for sure that the pregnancy was over. I had been bleeding on and off for that whole time, dealing with the emotions of things being in limbo....I was over it.

Once the D&C was over I bled on and off for about 1.5 weeks and then a few days later got my period. Then things were, well, "normal" again. Except for me, I found it very hard to deal with my emotions.....I still do.

When I got pregnant I saw a baby, instantly for me I saw the end result. I am not sure if I am still grieving or truely depressed, I cry almost everyday. As my EDD (Christmas) comes up I feel my heart breaking all over again. I think I want another baby, but making the decision to have another baby is a hard one, my husband is not keen, we already have 4 and struggle sometimes.

I want so bad for this not to be my last experience with pregnancy, I want a positive memory to erase the ones I have right now. I want a baby, but in saying that, do I want another child?

We still have not told family and most of our friends what we went through......and now after all this time how would we bring it up. My husband can forget, but I can not. Maybe one day, when thinking about it doesnt make me cry I will be able to tell them.

This is me...or is it?

Do you wear makeup? I don't. I don't have the talent for applying it, nor the time or general inclination to paint my face every morning.

My little sister got married on the weekend and I was one of 6 (yes 6) bridesmaids. So for the first time ever I had my makeup done by a professional. I also had my hair styled for the first time since my wedding 7 years ago.


I took this photo myself, and yes I overexposed it and tinted it to make it look better. I could barely look at myself in the mirror, it felt a bit weird, you can't tell by this pic but it was quiet bronze where I am generally a very pale person.

I spent 2 nights away from the kids, first time ever away from my youngest overnight. I missed them so much, even if they do drive me crazy sometimes they are so important to me. I feel short of breath without them.

A Skirt for my Daughter

I wanted to sew something yesterday, I just had no idea what. So I sat down surrounded by my fabric boxes and sorted through looking for inspiration.

I came up with a few different solid coloured knits, some pretty wovens and an off cut of soft denim.

I drafted my own pattern, it simply has 2 rectangles and sews together easily.

The first was my attempt at a newborn skirt.....gosh its been a while since I had a newborn and the skirt ended a bit big. This one has a rolled hem and when I sewed the woven on I stretched the knit to meet the gathered woven to make it able to stretch more, iykwim.

The next I made for my 6yo Daughter, I love the combination of red, blue and white. For this one I didn't stretch the knit to meet the woven so it has less stretch in the waist area.

I added some buttons for decoration and TA-DA, a cute skirt. It really uses very little fabric so is quiet economical. Of course there are options for more tiers or simply a longer skirt section.

Thanks for reading.

Home Renovations - Kitchen Progress

My husband built the bulk heads and nib at the end of the island bench. Plumbing is done and oven is working. (Since the photo my husband has set and undercoated the bulkhead and nib wall).

progress

No working powerpoints or cooktop yet but fingers crossed they wont be long in coming. Oh and lights...3 pendants hanging over the island bench. I am not in love with the pendants I bought but they will do for now, hopefully they will look good

The island is just shy of 3.6m long......I wonder how many stools I will fit along there?. And which stools? So many decisions.

Amy Butlers Style Stitches - Key Keeper Coin Purse.

I bought this book from the UK Book Depository a few weeks ago - I think it cost me about $24.

Firstly, I think the byline goes something like "12 easy ways to 26 wonderful bags"......hmmmm, that is a stretch. I think it has 12 bags, you can extend a handle or make some of the bags a little smaller/bigger, but there are not 26 different bags to be made from this book.

That said, I like the book, I like the spiral bound look and the gorgeous fabrics and photography.

The bags are grouped according to level of skill needed to sew each bag, 3 are rated easy, 4 intermediate, 2 advanced and 3 experienced.

I went straight to bag number 7, the Key Keeper Coin Purse rated as intermediate, because I really wanted to make a little purse. I am not an experienced sewer by any stretch of the imagination but I have OK machines, I can follow clear instructions and can work things out a little on my own when needed. I did find the instructions a little confusing in places, not sure if that's my inexperience or the instructions.

So here is my finished product. I used Amy Butler fabrics, of course, and did not bother with the little tag on the side.

Purse Outer

Lining and Zip

I chose the fabrics because this was a zip I had, passed on to me from my Nan who has rescued it from something else, lol. I think a smaller zip would of been fine...better even, but overall I am happy with my efforts and looking foward to getting into sewing again.

xoxo

Home Renovations Happening

Home renovations are time consuming.....I mean seriously time consuming!

Things are really happening here, the kitchen went in this week....still need appliances to go in and plumbing done but it is so exciting to have progress.

the kitchen space in the extension before kitchen

kitchen installed....needing finishing touches

I feel like there are a thousand decisions to make about every little step, it becomes a little draining and I look forward to it all being done.

The house is slowly becoming a little more ordered, a little less chaotic, and I feel my sewing mojo coming back....I can't wait.

Slack Blogger

I have been a really slack blogger.

There is so much going on in my life at the moment.

Our home renovations and extentions are going really well. My husband is such a clever man and he has been working really hard to get things done, but this means I have the 4 kids constantly and my sewing stuff has been packed away until the house is more livable.

I turned 30 last week - wow, I am growing up.

I have also been dealing with some personal issues, that I might discuss here when I feel ready.

Anyway - my main purpose was to come on here and say I am still around just unable to sew or blog much for a bit.